“Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.” Proverbs 18:21

Have you ever struggled with your words? It seems funny to me how often a person can be more polite and kind to strangers than with their own families. Life never ceases to give us opportunities to test our patience and or our maturity. Wise parents know that strong family relationships and good parenting are far more powerful and longer lasting influences than peer pressure. Despite all of the power other kids can have over our children, we (as parents) are still the most influential people in their lives! If we work hard to establish a strong bond with our kids, and don’t sabotage the relationship we have with them by fighting about things we really can’t control—like who they choose as friends—they end up being more like us than they want to be! It’s true! Despite their valiant attempts to be different from us, kids who love and respect their parents eventually wake up (sometime in their late 20’s early 30’s), look in the mirror, scream, and say, “Aaaaarrrghh, I’m just like my dad (or mom)!”

Unfortunately, many well-meaning parents unintentionally force their kids to make poor decisions about friends. They do this by trying to control whom their children like, and with whom they choose to spend their time. This is a battle that is fairly easy to control when your child is young, but as they get older and more independent much more difficult with which to deal.

Have you ever struggled with some of the decisions that your child chooses, maybe in particular in their choice of friends? Charles Fay, from the Love and Logic Institute, writes what I believe to be some helpful advice for parents on the subject of friends.

He states, “Rather than fighting a losing battle over who our kids choose as friends, we’re far wiser to focus on upping the odds that our youngsters will make good decisions, even when their buddies don’t. Listed below are three quick tips:

Send strength messages.
"Hanging around Joe is going to get you in trouble," sends the message that your child is too weak to think for himself.
"It’s a good thing that Joe has a friend like you who makes good decisions," tells your child that he can think for himself.

Talk about the friend’s behavior rather than the friend.
Talking with your child about how "bad" a friend is implies that your child is bad for choosing them. Wiser parents talk about the types of sad consequences a friend’s irresponsible behavior might bring about.

Allow your child to use you as the "bad guy."
Experiment with saying: If your friends ever pressure you to do something you don’t think is right, feel free to blame me for your not going along with them. You might just say, "My dad is so crazy, you never know what he will do."

I hope you find this helpful! Have a wonderful Spring Break with your family!

Thanks for reading!