“Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.” Proverbs 18:21

Have you ever struggled with your words? It seems funny to me how often a person can be more polite and kind to strangers than with their own families. Life never ceases to give us opportunities to test our patience and or our maturity. Wise parents know that strong family relationships and good parenting are far more powerful and longer lasting influences than peer pressure. Despite all of the power other kids can have over our children, we (as parents) are still the most influential people in their lives! If we work hard to establish a strong bond with our kids, and don’t sabotage the relationship we have with them by fighting about things we really can’t control—like who they choose as friends—they end up being more like us than they want to be! It’s true! Despite their valiant attempts to be different from us, kids who love and respect their parents eventually wake up (sometime in their late 20’s early 30’s), look in the mirror, scream, and say, “Aaaaarrrghh, I’m just like my dad (or mom)!”

Unfortunately, many well-meaning parents unintentionally force their kids to make poor decisions about friends. They do this by trying to control whom their children like, and with whom they choose to spend their time. This is a battle that is fairly easy to control when your child is young, but as they get older and more independent much more difficult with which to deal.

Have you ever struggled with some of the decisions that your child chooses, maybe in particular in their choice of friends? Charles Fay, from the Love and Logic Institute, writes what I believe to be some helpful advice for parents on the subject of friends.

He states, “Rather than fighting a losing battle over who our kids choose as friends, we’re far wiser to focus on upping the odds that our youngsters will make good decisions, even when their buddies don’t. Listed below are three quick tips:

Send strength messages.
"Hanging around Joe is going to get you in trouble," sends the message that your child is too weak to think for himself.
"It’s a good thing that Joe has a friend like you who makes good decisions," tells your child that he can think for himself.

Talk about the friend’s behavior rather than the friend.
Talking with your child about how "bad" a friend is implies that your child is bad for choosing them. Wiser parents talk about the types of sad consequences a friend’s irresponsible behavior might bring about.

Allow your child to use you as the "bad guy."
Experiment with saying: If your friends ever pressure you to do something you don’t think is right, feel free to blame me for your not going along with them. You might just say, "My dad is so crazy, you never know what he will do."

I hope you find this helpful! Have a wonderful Spring Break with your family!

Thanks for reading!

“Faith in Jesus is important, but what about Jesus’ faith in us?...Jesus has faith that you can follow him and that you can be like him.” Rob Bell

Have you ever wondered why it seems as though some people have lives filled of incredible story, while others have no more than a humdrum type of existence? Some around us appear to have lives filled with interesting anecdotes of adventure, stories of family heritage, courage, strength, and even some with tales of miraculous events while others seem to have ordinary run-of-the-mill, not much happens kinds of lives. One person lives in Mayberry and the other in New York City. I was thinking about the biblical character, Jonah this past week. What an unusual existence he had. His life was filled with drama and action much of it caused by his choices. He heard the voice of God, spent time at sea (a tremendous learning experience), had the opportunity to speak before thousands, and saw many lives changed. Have you ever dreamed of having such a life—a life where you hear God speaking, asking you to do something incredible?

I am the sort of person that truly wants to believe the best about everyone. I realize that there will be times when this sort of belief will leave me disappointed, but I would rather err on the side of living believing in the positive about people, rather than the opposite. I suppose this is why I have the viewpoint that at some point in a person’s life he or she becomes concerned about purpose. What is it all about? Why am I here? Where is this leading? How is what I am about making a difference? I do not know about you, but I believe that in some way we all desire to make a difference in the world, to make a “dent,” or leave a mark so to speak. The issue might boil down to a matter of whether we believe we can make a difference. So often, we loose faith in someone or something because he or she, or it, lets us down. Nevertheless, I have good news for you. Someone believes in you regardless of what you may have done, or said. This same person, who created you, thinks you are great and wants nothing more than to see you succeed. Jesus, when selecting the disciples, chose grown men who had washed out of the Jewish school system. They were intelligent, but they were not the best of the best. He picked a team of “not-good-enough’s” and put them on the varsity team. They were his star players. He believed that each of them had what it would take to carry forth the vision and mission of God. Amazing...ordinary guys—guys that no one else believed in, doing extraordinary things! I am of the impression that Jesus believes you and I can do and be what is good, pure, and lovely, and thereby our destiny is to leave an incredible legacy.

Thanks for reading.

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled or be afraid.” John 14.27

When I was in the First grade, I thought, “If I only had some Converse low tops, white with a red stripes, then I would be the fastest kid on the playground.” The shoes were so cool, and only the fastest kids had them. I remember when my mom gave in and allowed me to purchase a pair. I wore them at the end of the year race. It was a warm and sunny day - a great day for a race that is if you have the right shoes. Forty kids all lined up. The race was not long. We were to run out to the center of the playground, around a pole, and then race to the finish line. We lined up, I could feel my heart beating, and then the principal yelled, “Go!” I had a good start. All I wanted was to be first (who doesn’t?). I was so convinced that my shoes made a difference and nothing was going to stop me from winning. I was one of the first ones to make it to the pole, now for the sprint to the finish. There was only one other kid just slightly ahead of me. I pushed hard making my legs and arms work. In the end, I came in second, but I was still thrilled to have done so well!

So many times, I hear others, and even feel it myself, say if only I had this or that, then I could have peace. There are times in life when the peace we feel is based simply upon our own ignorance. However, when we become aware of the realities of life, true inner peace is impossible without the intervention of Christ. In John 14:27, Jesus says, “Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you…” He is able to create this peace within a person, when that person embraces His righteousness. Peace is so often confused with Truce. Truce making stops the fighting, but does nothing to address the real issues at hand. The only way to have true peace is to yield to God and acknowledge our desperate need for Him. So often when we are in turmoil, we wring our hands, worry, and fret about what we to do. All the while, the God of peace waits for us to seek after Him. I think this is the very reason troubles come into our lives. God promises to comfort us in our troubles, then asks us to share that comfort with others. In 2 Corinthians 1:2-4, Paul praises God for His mercy and comfort, and also moves us to use that experience to comfort others. It is always good to remember that we cannot give away what we do not possess. We are to pass on what God gives to us. We do not receive as an end in itself, but as a means to an end. We are to empower others with the power God gives us. I believe that there are at least six gifts we can offer to others in an effort to share our comfort with them:

1. The gift of Accountability: Helping others keep their commitments to God (especially through difficult trials and troubles).

2. The gift of Affirmation: Speaking words of support and encouragement (not a Pollyanna outlook, but sincere compassion and empathy).

3. The gift of Advice: When sought by the person in trouble words of wise counsel and direction can be a soothing balm.

4. The gift of Admonishment: Offering words of caution, rebuke, or correction.

5. The gift of Assets: Sharing tangible resources to help others.

6. The gift of Acceptance: Providing unconditional love, regardless of the recipients’ identity.

May you know and share the peace of God with those around you. Thanks for reading!

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

This past week a friend was sharing from Jeremiah 29, and I remembered a time in my life when verses 11-14 became very real. It was July 1996, though in some ways, it seems like it was just yesterday. I had just finished another day of looking for teacher candidates for the coming school year. This was my first year as Administrator of Fairview Christian School, and I needed to fill four full-time teaching positions. A task that seemed not too terribly difficult in May, but now in July seemed overwhelming. To say I was frustrated would have been an understatement. I was praying, asking many questions, and feeling more than just disappointed. Everything I tried, everywhere I looked seemed to come up empty.

I left Fairview, and was on my way home to play tag-team parenting with my wife. It was almost time for her shift at the hospital and it was my turn to take care of our two boys (Jeff was not born until 1997). As I walked in the door, she was busy preparing to leave. She gave me some last minute instructions what I could make for dinner, who had just had a nap, etc., I listened, but all the while, I was lost in thought; perplexed by the obstacles that stood before me.

Oswald Chambers states, “It is easier to serve or work for God without a vision and without a call, because then you are not bothered by what He requires. Common sense, covered with a layer of Christian emotion, becomes your guide. You may be more prosperous and successful from the world’s perspective, and will have more leisure time, if you never acknowledge the call of God. But once you receive a commission from Jesus Christ, the memory of what God asks of you will always be there to prod you on to do His will. You will no longer be able to work for Him on the basis of common sense.”

Only a few months prior had I discerned that God wanted me to stay at Fairview. I felt led to take on this new unexpected assignment of ministry, and to wait patiently for Him to work in and through me, but now I was feeling at the end of my rope. Where were the resources that He promised? Why would He ask me to fill this position and not provide? It was one of those times, when I felt as though everything was going to come crashing down around me. It sure would be easier I thought to go and do something else. Let someone else solve these problems, face these challenges – I must have heard God wrong. It was not supposed to be like this!

As I sat in our rocking chair, praying, my son Ryan toddled over and indicated that he wanted to be held. I placed him on my lap facing forward, and held him close as I continued praying in earnest. Suddenly, he turned and stood up on my lap. I really did not pay much attention, but just then, he stretched his small arms around my neck, rested his head on my shoulder, and began to pat my back with his little hand. It was exactly at that moment that the words from Jeremiah 29 came ringing into my head. It was an incredible moment that I will never forget. God had sent encouragement to me through my little three-year-old son. As tears rolled down my cheeks, I gave praise and thanks to God – my provider. By the middle of August, I had filled the last position I needed. Once again God had come through – praise the name of the Lord.

I do not know all the challenges that you face in your life. I do know that there is one who can and will make a difference for you and your family if you let Him!

Thanks for reading!