How was mid-winter break for you? I hope you were able to take time to rest, relax, and have some fun. I spent most of the break in a cold medicine induced stupor. It was one of those times in my life where I felt as though I was just watching as things happened around me wondering if they were real. Have you ever been there? Watching? Not much fun, I like being in the story rather than just watching. A person who is sick spends part of their time in a somewhat coherent state, and the rest of it hoping that they don’t do, or say something that will haunt them for weeks, or years to come. I seem to pray, and think more when I am sick, but the problem is I don’t remember much about those prayers or thoughts.
I’m the kind of person that likes being busy. I feel good most of the time and I really like making mental checkmarks on my mental clipboard of different tasks I have accomplished or completed. I also like helping others. I seem to always find a way of getting involved and helping even with activities that have nothing to do with my goals, dreams, or desires. I think that my tendency towards staying active was something that was instilled in me by my parents. When I was growing up my brother and I were assigned chores by our parents. Not too unusual. These “chores” often included: taking out the garbage; cleaning-up the dog mess in the back yard; mowing the lawn, pulling weeds, cleaning the basement or garage, etc. As my brother and I got older the list got a little longer and naturally more difficult. I’ll never forget one learning lesson of scraping the siding of our house to prepare for paint. Our house had what looked like wood siding, but if sanded it enough you soon found out that it was more like compressed paper. Well needless to say, I sanded a bit too far in one or two locations creating a couple of very low spots and some divots in the boards. Everyone who got close to the front of our house could see my handiwork – oops.
I don’t hold any animosity or grudge towards my parents for assigning me jobs around the house. In fact, I am truly thankful that they instilled in me the importance of work and the joy that comes from working hard. Chores have great value and teach some very important life lessons. When a child is given a chore they are given a sense of importance in the family. They are being trusted to complete a task that is needed. When a child is given a chore, they are given the opportunity to gain a sense of accomplishment through struggle. Likewise, the use of chores can condition children to believe that their parents are the loving authority figures of the home (providing clear boundaries, demonstrating levels of trust, providing inspiration in giving the “can do” message). Chores can also be used as effective consequences for time invested in working with a problem that the child has created. A statement that I like to use with my kids that I learned from the folks at the Love and Logic Institute goes something like this: “I had to spend a lot of time worrying about your behavior, and trying to figure out what to do. When I do this, it drains my energy and I can’t do my own work around here, but if you do the work I missed, it will all even out. Here are the jobs you need to do. Thank you.” Don’t worry if you think you might have given a chore that may be too difficult, work with your child on the task (teamwork and confidence building). Resist the temptation to just do it yourself, but look for ways to encourage their participation and thinking. If you are doing all of the thinking, then you are working too hard!
I hope you have a blessed week!
Mr. Madsen
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